Inside
by DianaLineelu2001
Summary: He learned to feel good about himself...of course, from the help of his exceptionally wonderful boyfriends God, he turned sappy....TezuRyoFuji


**Pairing:** TezuRyoFuji  Jennifier D (I love your stories!) said OT3 but I couldn't say that because I'm not good enough... T-T

**Summary:** He learned to feel good about himself...of course, from the help of his exceptionally wonderful boyfriends (God, he turned sappy...).

* * *

**Inside**

Screech!

Bam!

To say that boy wonder was confused would be an understatement. Only a few minutes ago, he was about to cross the road and reach Tezuka and Fuji and the next thing he knew, his world turned into a dull shade of grey...with a little bit of red at the edge of his vision. His chest and his hips burned painfully, as if he was in the middle of a conflagration.

He heard a moan. Is it his? He was not sure; his consciousness of his surrounding seemed to be drifting in and out. Then, slowly... he felt himself being lifted and embraced securely into a pair of strong arms... He struggled to open his eyes (when had he closed them?) and saw a pair of glassed hazel eyes staring intently with worry at him.

Kunimitsu...?

His eyes shifted to his lover's lips that seemed to be moving without producing any voice. He was confused... Why didn't Kunimitsu speak anything? Then, his less than useless nerves(at the moment, at least) registered that another pair of slender strong arm was supporting his head. Spicy scent invaded his senses.

Syuusuke...?

His other lover, equally important to his heart was trying to project calmness to him... assuring him that everything will be alright. But he saw the uncertainties in those sharp dark blue orbs.

He vaguely realized that he had moved his hands to hold Tezuka and Fuji's with a lot of effort, trying to tell them not to worry so much. However, before any words escape his pallid lips, his world blacked out. All of sudden, his ears were able to hear clearly Tezuka and Fuji's shout of his name.

* * *

"Please forgive us for our mistakes... We didn't know that Echizen-san's body reacted negatively towards anesthetic," Dr Ayame spoke with a clipboard clutched to her chest as her eyes display sincere regret.

"It is okay, Ryoma-kun rarely gets hospitalized. Even when he did, his case was never so bad until it needed anesthetic. It was no wonder no one knows about this," Fuji smiled tiredly. Tezuka didn't even bother to say anything. He merely nodded in acknowledgement at the doctor while putting a wet cloth in effort to lower Ryoma's temperature.

The teenage boy moaned in protest as the coldness of the cloth created a painful prickling sensation to his fevering skin. Cold sweat wetted his silky blue-greenish locks as his deadly pale skin burned alarmingly. The doctor smiled apologetically and walked out of the room. Silence reigned until Tezuka decided to break it.

"Idiots... all of them..." Slight anger laced his normally calm tone. His hand that formerly caressed his younger lover's scalp stilled.

"They didn't mean it Kunimitsu..."

"But still-!" Anything else offending he wanted to say was swallowed. Slender fair arms wrapped his shoulder as his lover's face was buried into the crook of his neck.

"I know... I understand... I didn't want Ryo-kun to go through all this too. It was just yesterday he knocked down by the shitting red Hyundai car –arms around Tezuka's shoulder tightened, and then slowly loosens up- and today; he suffered from a very high fever due to negative reaction he received from the anesthetic. But unlike the driver who ran away, it wasn't the doctor's fault. They, hell... everyone didn't know..." Fuji's hand treaded slowly on boy wonder's arm, feeling the soft texture brushing his palm. When he reached Ryoma's hand, he felt the calloused and rougher skin, developed by hard work in tennis.

Tezuka exhaled shakily, hazel eyes glimmered and clouded by sorrow. "I just... I don't like this feeling...helplessly watching him suffer from one pain to another. I... don't want to just 'be there'. I want..._desperately_ to soothe his suffering, wipe it off his face. Pain didn't suit him. I'm so afraid that we wouldn't be able to see the piercing golden eyes and hear the small, sincere laugh anymore..."

Blue eyes lowered. That was what he had been thinking too... but... He brought Tezuka's strong hand onto his own which was holding Ryoma's and smiled encouragingly.

"Both of us are supposed to be the ones who know best how strong and stubborn Ryo-kun can be... let's believe in him, ne?" Hazel pools met sapphire orbs. A slight nod by the bespectacled man was the only sign the famous amateur photographer needed. Through the window, melancholic shades of red, pink, yellow and orange hues settled upon them.

* * *

Cat-like golden eyes opened weakly and blinked slowly, trying to adjust his vision to his surrounding. Why was it so dark? He barely saw anything... and where was this place anyway? He felt something shifted on his left side. He gathered all of his strength to move his head. God, he felt so weak... like a new born kitten! He barely saw anything but it was strange...he could clearly saw Syuusuke. He took in every detail of his boyfriend's sleeping face. It wasn't anything new to him really, they had been lovers for three years...but he never got tired of it.

So... this...is hospital. Che, he even sounded retarded! Then, he shifted his vision to his right and as expected; his ex-captain cum boyfriend was there, sleeping. Golden eyes saddened as he noticed the bags under Tezuka's eyes. Clearly, Tezuka was being a baka again by blaming himself over something he had no control on. He strained himself from moving, Kunimitsu was a very light sleeper and apparently, he needed the rest.

Honestly, trust him to wake up in the middle of night when both of his exceptionally wonderful (not that he would admit it out loud...) boyfriends were asleep.

Boyfriends... he really couldn't believe that their relationship lasted for three years. He never thought that anyone could tolerate and even love him for such a long time. It was more than obvious that Ryoma had an attitude issue... he planted the image in other's eyes that he was stubborn, arrogant, cocky and impolite... and he never really talk much too. But, they knew who he was inside nonetheless. Then, he was not able to show his affection for both of his lovers. Sometimes, he feared that they would get tired and walk away without him. He always found himself envying Syuusuke's ability to voice out his emotion so well or Kunimitsu's natural gift of expressing his feelings through action.

"_**I love you...both of you..."**_

He didn't remember when the last time he said that. Was it during the last time they (blush) made love together...or during their third anniversary? To cut corners, it was extremely rare for the words to escape his lips.

_**Soft gentle caresses, shy kiss...**_

He had never really been the one to start the move, to lead...to initiate. It wasn't because of shyness (he'd rather be caught dead rather than having that words associated with him. After all, he was blessed with a good amount of ego) It wasn't because lack of attempt either... God knows how hard he tried. It was just that, every time he became the initiative one, he would later be assaulted by doubt, fear, and insecurities...his inner demons. He would later wonder whether they don't want it or had he made any wrong move and many other _stupid_ questions that threatened to screw his mind senseless. However, he always managed to bury them, his inner demons...into the darkest abyss of his mind. After all, O'chibi was gifted with a short span of attention on stupid things.

Still...when things were particularly strenuous, or when he was being a bothersome weakling like now...the thought will resurface full force, threatening to push him to the edge. He couldn't help but wonder...think that maybe he should just leave them. He was merely being a bother. True, they were happy with him but...maybe they would be happier without him...

He would muse much longer if only his shitty stomach did not scream for attention. He slowly disentangled his arms from Fuji and Tezuka and tried to rise up, only to fall back onto the bed again. He cursed floridly under his breath, his arms quivered...unable to stand his body's weight. Damn, he felt boneless...even spineless! But, he had no time to waste anymore...everything he ate before threatened to gush out of his mouth. He felt his breath started to go uneven, it hurt. He grimaced inwardly. His harsh breathing woke both of his boyfriends.

"What's wrong, Ryo-kun?"

He couldn't answer...too busy closing his mouth with his hands. Once again, his older boyfriend became a physic and promptly pulled out a plastic and held it in front of him. As he retched, Fuji rubbed his back, trying to ease his nausea. Ryoma paused to breathe painfully, taking in precious oxygen before he heaved again whatever he had eaten. His arms curled around his stomach, his gut quivering with tension.

About 15 minutes later, it ended. Tezuka brought him to the washroom, bridal style and all in his arms to help Ryoma wash off the offending taste from his cavern. Then, he brought back his lover to his bed. The tennis prodigy breathe harshly, clearly exhausted by the vomiting cession he suffered before. Fuji's hand rubbed Ryoma's smooth chest soothingly as Tezuka brushed a lock from his forehead.

Golden eyes opened...displaying sadness so powerful that even the most oblivious would notice. Owner of hazel and sapphire eyes halted their movement, something painfully stabbed their hearts. Then, the eyelids like veils of curtain slowly hid the golden orbs. Syuusuke and Kunimitsu took turn to kiss Ryoma's forehead.

"Don't worry, you'll be fine..." Tezuka's voice spoke with assurance.

"Sorry...m bein' a bother..." Sleep took hold on the teenage boy body. He failed to witness the sadness on his lovers' face.

* * *

A month...Ryoma had been staying in the hospital for a month and he still hadn't healed well. Fuji sighed as he wiped the lens of the camera. The driver that almost kill Ryoma had finally been caught and jailed for about 50 years (probably that was his whole life. If that's true, Fuji will revel in the information.) Had Fuji been younger, he would already plan the most sadistic way to avenge Ryoma's pain. Nonetheless, he had matured; the sadistic streak in him had been dampened by years of love and affection. Even if it came out, it was just to tease people, for fun.

Then again, torturing the deranged being would do no good to his younger beloved's health. It would probably add up to his sickness. Ryoma hated it when Fuji did something dangerous that might make people do something bad to him back. Fuji was capable of protecting himself, Ryoma knew that but people in this world had many ways to destroy others... Fuji loved it when Ryoma got all fussy and overprotective over him. It was really...cute. (Don't tell Ryoma or else he would be supporting a black eye...) The knock that he got on his head was worth it just to see the furiously blushing face.

He really wanted to see that face more. He never wanted to miss the gleam of happiness in those golden orbs whenever Kunimitsu or he teased him. And, he never, ever wanted to see the sad light that shone in his younger lover's eyes nowadays. Ryoma tried so hard to conceal it...hide it from them. He hated being a burden, feeling like an obligation, and so...he tried his best to shoulder the pains alone. Then again, no matter how hard his attempt was, Tezuka and Fuji would be able to notice it anyway because really, no one else received so much attention from them as much as Ryoma did.

Lately, Ryoma seemed...depressed, lost even. Fuji knew what was playing in the tennis prodigy mind. He doubted...blaming himself. It was the remnant scar of the less than happy childhood life he got in America. Ryoma was smart and an amazing tennis player and all but he had no friends. He was so silent, and everyone made no effort to befriend him and look deep behind the Mr. Mute mask. That was why when he firstly came to Japan, he was so anti-social. It wasn't because he didn't want to befriend anyone...he simply didn't know how to.

And somewhere along the road, the scar became an inner demon to Ryoma. It reared its head once in a while. Most of the time, he managed to repress it...barely. But that was not a way to deal with your inner demons. By burying it, you merely made it became stronger the next time it came out of the closet. He knew and understood this because he had once been in the same dilemma too. Tezuka and Ryoma had healed him from those...pains. Now, he wanted to do the same to his precious boy wonder...if only Ryoma would accept it...

Fuji sighed and rose from his seat... It was time to visit Ryoma.

* * *

Large tawny eyes watched every single graceful movement his lover made. He stared intently at the fingers that elegantly peeled the skin off the apple. It was a relieving distraction to his tired mind.

"Ryoma..." the soft but firm voice pulled him out of his...observation. Calloused but gentle palm rested on his cheek, urging his eyes to lock with the owner of the voice. The concern in those hazel eyes almost breaks him...almost.

"What?" He inwardly applauded himself for being able to sound nonchalant even though his insides were shredding into pieces.

"Why are you so sad?" Golden eyes went wide, a mere inch but noticeable nonetheless. Uncomfortable, he shifted his eyes from his lover.

"What are you talking about?" Hiding...pretending...coward. A pair of hand gripped his shoulders, strongly –almost painfully-. Fear rose alarmingly within him. He had never seen Kunimitsu so furious before. Someone who didn't know the ex-captain may not see it but Ryoma could. His eyes displayed his rage clearly. A part of him was pained because he understood that Kunimitsu was not angry AT him but angry FOR him.

"You're always like this...kept on hiding everything...holding back. Why can't you seem to trust us? We're together for 3 years, Ryo...3 years! But still, you fear to open yourself up! You never-never seem to understand that we accepted & love you for who you are! We love both the dark and the light in you! Do you know how much it hurts to know that the one you love the most didn't believe you? He said he loves you but he had no trust in you!"

"I trust you, damn it! I do! But, I-I am not ready!"

"You would never, Ryoma! You would _never_ be ready because you _don't_ _want _to be ready!"

"It was not that easy, Kunimitsu!"

"You never even tried!" Tezuka repeated with a tired tone. "You never...even tried..." The door slammed close. Ryoma sat huddled to the head of the bed, bringing the fluffy blanket closer to him, in attempt to comfort him. His body shook and trembled. He tried so hard to not cry but the treacherous tears fell anyhow. He was so confused of the whole situation. His head hurt...

The door slammed open. Fuji stood on the doorway, breathing hard. He then approached Ryoma and brought him into his embrace. The boy cried silently into his partner's arms.

"Shh...It's okay. Everything will be alright. Kunimitsu won't be mad for long. We love you..." Fuji spoke softly.

"I'm- I'm sorry..."

* * *

"It's sad how he continues punishing himself over something that wasn't his fault..." Fuji spoke when he saw that his older lover had come.

Tezuka's palm settled on his beloved's cheek. Ryoma always fear that someday they would move away from him. He always feared that he made a mistake...or too imperfect...too hard to deal with. As he never really had a healthy relationship with people around his age...he never really knew how to deal with it.

"If only he would open up more...show who he is inside. I don't care how messed up or ugly he is within. I just...want to love him for who he is... I really didn't mean to lash out at him like that just now..." The be-spectacled man released an exhausted sigh. Fuji merely smiled sadly as he put his hand on Tezuka's shoulder.

"Well, let's just hope that he will be able to try... He wants to, Tezuka..."

* * *

Since that day onwards, Ryoma had tried his best to talk, tell little by little about his past to both of his lovers. He told them about the loneliness, the abandonment, the pain he felt on the days that he left behind with America. He told them about the hopes that he let die in those days. He believed that people like him would always be lonely for their whole life, friendless. He told them how happy he was to be in Seigaku, gain the things that he would never get when he was younger. He told them about...everything, the good and the bad; the happy and the sad memories.

He opened himself up bit by bit. His love for both of his partners can be seen in the littlest gesture he made. He never knew how much pride Fuji held when the man was the only photographer that he would freely smiled at each time the man took his picture. Tezuka and Fuji was happier to note that the small sincere laugh was showing up more and more. Ryoma smiled much more often too. And they we're even more proud that Ryoma got better at dealing relationship with people in general.

Those precious golden eyes of his would even gain soft colour whenever his boyfriends did or said something particularly affectionate to him. He learned to accept himself. He learned to let go of his own demons. He learned how to live...and love. Finally, he could really feel that he fit in somewhere. He was now sure of his place; in Tezuka and Fuji's arms.

It seemed that the accident had brought more the good than the bad result to all three of them. And Ryoma couldn't find himself to regret the incident because he learned something so important from it.

He learned to feel good about himself...of course, from the help of his exceptionally wonderful boyfriend (God, he turned sappy...).

_Owari.

* * *

_

What should I say? Um, the characters are OOC...the story line are out of balance and...I don't think I understand what I'm writing! God, it's so screwed up! I hate it! So bad!Waah! GOmennnnn!


End file.
